Offishul Rules

A.1 All entrants in the race must accept and sign the waiver of all responsibility
offishul pilots and pit krew.
1.b Entry forms, waiver sheets and entry fees must be in 1 week before the race in order to
receive pilot’s wings and other fringe benefits. Last minute entries may forfeit some benefits.
1.c Skulptures must be people powered. Sails and non propulsive energy allowed.
1.d Entry must complete race to qualify for any race award.
#2 Pit krew must consist of humans only. D.N.A. sample may be required.
2TB At least one “Teddy Bear” to be on skulpture at all times.
2a No pulling or pushing allowed, except by offishul pit krew and pilots. (Offishul push rope only)
2.78 All skulptures must be no more than 8 feet wide while on the road, highway, and freeway.
2 1⁄2 Your skulpture must not be dangerous or harmful to yourself or anything else in the world.
2 4/3 Your entry number must be visible on your sculpture. The name of your skulpture should be visible for the benefit of the spektators, TV crews, magazine writers, K-Kops and judges.
3. It is not a rule to have a sponsor, but it does pay the bills.
3.05 During timed competition, no relief pilots will be allowed, unless specifikally authorized by the Konsortium.
3.141 You may not start the race until you have passed the offishul inspection. The following safety equipment must be on board at all times: Coast Guard approved life preservers, 12” x 12” warning triangle, horn, operable brakes, one paddle or oar per pilot, each pilot must also have a safety whistle accessible while on the water kourse.
3.142 Each pilot under the age of 16 must wear a safety helmet while onboard the skulpture especially while racing.
3a. All special terrain equipment must be on board the sculpture at all times.
4.44 All skulptures must stay on kourse at all times. An intentional violation will result in a 30 minute penalty and a series of dirty looks. The kourse is marked with visible check points. You must go through all check points.
4f. Anti Boozer Law: Exercise the utmost self-restraint. Alcohol (C2H50H) will not be consumed by pilots or pit krew while racing. Infraction will result in banishment.
4g. The race begins with a “Lemans’” start at low noon. Pit krew or spektators are not to assist
pilots at the start. No pushing skulptures from the start. Pilots must be on board, pit krew off the
5. No passing where it would interfere with traffic or your own safety. Slower skulptures must use
turnouts or pull off the road. This is a road race. Traffic laws and common sense apply.
6n. Coast Guard approved life preservers and your whistle must be worn by all on board during water crossings;
breakage of this rule will result in disqualification.
7-11 Remember that the offishuls are doing the best they can. If things are not going your way,
take it personally. They are picking on you.
8. There will be a 30 minute penalty for a water tow, unless done by human power.
8ball Port Townsend Bay currents are treacherous, extreme winds, choppy waves and tides could cancel the water portion - which will then be held inside the marina. Watch out for Giant Crabs and Clam eating people.
8c High Anxiety Rule: Make sure you can get out of your skulpture in an emergency.
9am No sniveling, kicking, biting, scratching, or other fisticuffs. Break this rule and you’re knocked
10. The Agony of Defeat Rule: You can’t lose unless you complete the race. A skulpture must
negotiate the entire kourse; may not be assisted by any vehicle, except on the water for emergency, and may not be transported by any vehicle. Infraction of this rule will result in
disqualification from the race.
10.10 Mud Rule – You must be through the Mud in 15 minutes or you will have to remove/push your
sculpture from the Mud to allow other racers access. No napping in the mud! Close of entry to mud is 4 pm.
11-7 There will be a time penalty of 15 minutes for all infractions of rules unless otherwise noted.
11.9 In case of SUN; the race will be held anyway. The Race begins at the sound of the cheap shot,
at low noon.
XXX. Because I said so! Rule. Statement given to anyone who questions Kinetic Authority. XYZ. Cheating is not a right, but a privilege. For the Glory!

Master Rules:  

1.  Skulpture must complete entire kourse; without pushing or pulling forward (lateral movements are ok.)

2.  No switching out of pilots - the same people that start the race have to continually pilot throughout and be on the sculpture at all times when moving forward.

3.  No "flinstoning" - feet cannot touch ground during forward movement  (Feet means with any shoes or material between foot and kourse. A person "skate-boarding cannot master the kourse. Nor can a runner master the kourse.)

4.  Must complete each portion or day in the time allowed.  Must complete sand within 15 minutes.  Must be at mud pit by 4 pm in order to enter mud.  Must complete the mud within 15 minutes.  Sunday close of course is 6 pm.

5.  Pit Krew ONLY can help during laterals or an official push zone, no krowd or entourage help allowed.  

6.  All race equipment must be carried on skulpture throughout the entire race, while moving forward on course.

7.  Pit Krew can move sand or mud (altering terrain) of the kourse while pilots are pedaling.  Pilots can only move sand or mud, altering terrain, while sculpture is stopped (see rule 2 and 3.)  

A skulpture that loses their master, will be notified before the awards cermony by either the Kourse Kommisioner,  the Head Judge, Top Kop or President for Life.


1. Kinetic Kops tell no lies, but we don’t have to tell the truth.
2. Kops will issue tickets for any infractions or outfractions from the racers or specktators. Racer
infractions will be reported to the judges.
Z. Bribes may be taken to overlook infractions.
3PO. Kops will be in charge of traffic and Krowd Kontrol.
Dress Code. Dresses will be optional.
WD40. Safety and Security will be observed and enforced during race events. SB. We don’t need any stinking badges!